This Sucks!
by Heartache14
Summary: Ugh. So maybe Organization 13 wasn't more than a group of middle-class teenagers trying to act like gang members while they ate cookies and challenged each other to DanceDanceRevolution; who the heck cares? AU
1. Escape, bro!

A/N: So, all I can say about this fic is that I was very VERY **VERY BORED**. I actually began writing it when I was sick, and I'm finishing it now…when I'm not sick.

WARNING: Axel is a dumbass, a really really awesome dumbass.

**Disclaimer: **Heartache-chan does not own Kingdom Hearts.

ENJOY!

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><p>"Where the hell do you think you're going?"<p>

I winced from my position by the window, plastering an innocent smile on my face before peeking over my shoulder. My best friend stood in the door way of my bedroom, a pissed off scowl on his soft gentle face. "Oh hey, Roxas!" I chirped, waving my hand with feigned naïveté. I used my few seconds of speech to pry the window open a bit more, all the while smiling at my favorite blond like a damn fool.

"Don't play dumb with me, Axel! What are you doing out of bed? And why are you opening the window?" Roxas demanded angrily.

"I…I can't do this anymore, Rox," I replied with a sigh, gesturing to myself then to the bowl of soup in Roxas' hands. Suddenly, his livid expression turned into a sad frown.

"A-are you friendship breaking up with me?" he murmured sadly. His pretty baby blue eyes stared at the floor firmly, a few locks of golden blonde hair brushing against his forehead.

"W-what?" I blurted. My loud voice jolted Roxas out his angst for a moment. "No, I'm not friendship breaking up with you! I mean, I can't stay here anymore! Day after day, lying in bed, eating soup, not being able to play video games…it sucks, Roxas!" A cough rumbled against my throat, but I fought against it, unwilling to release such an evil thing. "B-besides," I mumbled around the dry cough that was trapped in my lungs, "I'm feeling waaaay better!" I winked at Blondie, hoping the uselessly charming gesture would distract him. My fingers yanked the window open a bit more.

"Axel, do you even know what it means to be sick? It's only been two days, and just yesterday you were running a fever! You need bed rest, and I'm not letting you go anywhere." Roxas strode over to me and yanked the window shut, locking it with finality as he smiled at me brightly.

Maybe it was the illness taking effect, or maybe I was just crazy. But as I heard the lock _click_ with that teeny tiny high-pitched snap, something in me panicked. _I'm not letting you go anywhere._ The words bounced against my skull, sending off warning bells and alarms, big blaring mental signs that screamed, "ESCAPE, AXEL, ESCAPE! GOT IT MEMORIZED?" Yes, brain. Yes, I do.

In a singular fluid motion, I leapt over the headboard, skipped across the bed, went flailing over the foot of the bed, landed on my feet, and used the momentum to slide to the door in my socks. Thankfully, I managed to move so quickly that by the time I reached the top of the stairs, Roxas was only just snapping out of his bewildered stupor and chasing after me.

I slid down the banister, once again using my quickness to slide across the hardwood floors once I was on the first floor. I sock-skated to the door and flung it open.

Well, what an unexpected surprise! It was fucking _snowing_! How long had I been sick? It was just seventy degrees TWO DAYS AGO!

Unless… Roxas gave me more cold medicine than I thought! That's it! I must have been so out of it that I was unconscious for two months! That sneaky little bastard…

A series of thuds drew my attention behind me, and I turned to see Roxas sitting on his butt, clearly having attempted sliding down the banister. Tsk tsk tsk, little Roxas! Even kitties like you don't always land on their feet, but Axels do!

Yeah, that made no sense whatsoever.

I smirked at my friend before turning back around and hauling ass. My unprotected feet propelled my through the snow. Admittedly, I wish I had thought to grab a jacket and some shoes before I decided to run for my life. The snow was super thick, at least a foot deep, and normally fast sprints were now cut down to an awkward shuffle-skip-jump sort of move. After awhile I resorted to cart wheeling through the snow – just for shits and giggles – but that only succeeded in getting my hands even colder.

About fifteen minutes into my desperate trek to who-the-hell-even-knows-where, I began hearing strange labored breathing. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I caught sight of a red-faced infuriated Roxas trudging behind me slowly. He was like the cute grim reaper trying to catch me to take me to my bed-ridden, soup-filled death. "Axel, get back here!" Roxas screamed at me. "I swear to God, when I catch you, I am cutting all of your hair! I swear I'll do it!"

_ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT FROM A LIL MIDGET LIKE THAT? HE CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! ONLY MOM CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! GOT IT MEMORIZED? _Yeah, random-voice-inside-my-head, you're right! That little shrimp can't threaten me like that! I'm Axel! I totally got it memorized!

I stopped in my tracks without turning around, and soon a cold hand was slapping my shoulder. "You damn jerk! I can't believe you just ran off like that! What is…"

Before he could even fully process the situation – I'm a boss at these surprise attacks! – I grabbed Roxas by the waist and tossed him in the snow. His wide blue eyes stared at me foolishly, and I kicked a little snow on him for good measure. Then I was off once more, doing my little shuffle-skip-jump with an extra hop at the end.

Oh yeah. I'm a boss.

A few unintelligible screams followed me for awhile, but I drowned them out by doing a cool voice-over monologue thingy in my head.** The great smexy Axel, trudges through the snow like a badass, totally leaving his wimpier much less awesome friend in the snow. As he travels onward, getting closer to who-the-fuck-knows with each step, the blustering wind picks, blowing snowflakes into his dazzling emerald eyes. The snow storm intensifies, and soon our dashing hero has no idea where the hell he is.**

I retrieved my Iphone from my pocket – yeah, I remembered that but forgot shoes – hoping that it could tell me where I am. I mean, there's probably an app for that, right?

If only there was an app for "Turn around, bitch, cuz there's an evil hobo behind you!" A mysterious gloved hand squeezed the back of my neck, hitting a pressure point. Just before I blacked out, I found myself thinking, _This so better be a sexy chick about to molest me._

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><p>AN: *le gasp* A cliffhanger! Bet ya didn't see that one coming!

Sooo, what's gonna happen next? Who just attacked Axel? Why the heck hasn't Roxas caught up yet? And why isn't there an app for that! 0_0 All of these questions and more will be answered in chapter 2 of _This Sucks!_

SEE YA NEXT TIME!


	2. Sexy

A/N: Yay, an update! Hmm, I hope you guys weren't sitting here agonizing over a new chapter for this fic. I'm kinda casual when it comes to updates *flail*

**Disclaimer: **Heartache-sama does not own Kingdom Hearts! *cries*

**Warning: **Axel's ego. It is too large for this fic.

ENJOY!

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><p>In movies, it's usually at moments like this that the hero realizes some terrible character flaw within himself –he was such a jerk; he should've listened to his karate masterwizard tutor/irritating superior; he never should've treated his girl that way, blah blah blah – and just when all hope seems lost, a shining ray of triumph glitters down upon him – the bad guy left the secret key/weapon/whatever in the room; easily gullible goons are guarding him; wimpy sidekick comes crashing through the ceiling, whatever.

Because of this, I saw no reason whatsoever to make much effort to escape on my own. I mean, I'm sure that Roxas has managed to find tracks of my limp body being dragged through the snow, and he's on his way over here to rescue me! Cuz even though I pushed him on the ground and kicked snow in his face, he's gonna save me anyway! That's just what best friends do, right?

Ah hell. I'm never getting out of here. Where am I anyway?

"Ah, you're finally awake. Good. We can begin now." Pfft. Typical bad guy line. A girl with glossy short black hair stepped out of the shadows and hovered over me, the tacky basement light bulb swinging behind her. She wore some kind of strange elaborate black coat – she's either Goth or has seen _The Matrix _one too many times. Either way, she was a pretty hot girl. My Axel pheromones must have overcome her and she attacked me like one of those _Axe _commercials (They clearly named their products after me, the sexiest man in the world. I constantly try to explain this to Roxas, but he just doesn't get it. Axe is obviously short for Axel).

The sexy girl snapped her fingers, and thirteen other people emerged from the shadows, all wearing those long black coats. I raised an eyebrow but did not speak as the mystery people formed a circle around me. One guy stepped forward, pulling back his hood to reveal long silver hair.

Hold the fucking phone. "Riku?" I blurted bewilderedly. "What the hell are you doing here?" If I wasn't tied to this chair, I would've started flailing my arms around. Why the hell did _Riku_ of all people kidnap me? I mean, if he wanted me to come over, he could've called! Or walked down the freakin' street and KNOCKED.

Riku sighed, clearly displeased with my sudden outburst…just like I was displeased with him fucking ATTACKING ME! "I might as well cut to the chase since you're so impatient that we couldn't even finish the ritual. We want you to join our club, Axel."

"Gang," Demyx corrected from his spot next to Xemnas. "Club sounds too girly."

Saix rolled his eyes in what was possibly the most bad ass fashion ever. "We're an organization, you Neanderthal."

Riku groaned. "Whatever. None of that's important; the point is we want you to be a part of our group. We wanted Roxas too, but I have no idea where the hell he is."

Best…day…EVER! Not only had I slam-dunked Roxas into the snow like a bad ass, I was being invited to join some kick ass slacker club with free matching jackets! (Clearly theses coats were total chick magnets) I mean, how could this day get any better? I couldn't wait to tell Rox…

Ahh fuck.

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><p>Riku frowned at me for the umpteenth time that day. I swear to God, if he looks at me with that irritated yet disapproving expression ONE MORE TIME, he was getting drop-kicked into the snow. No lie, man.<p>

And then, I might run like hell, cuz Riku will probably be mean enough to take this jacket away from me. Bastard.

So apparently Xemnas started this club _forever_ ago, and I was only just now hearing about it. It was called Organization 13, but Demyx had been lobbying for a new name for about three months now. "It's not cool enough!" he whined as the three of us trudged through the snow. I am in full agreement mode. Organization 13 was NOT a kickass name; it makes us sound like some wimpy obscure group of student government kids or Model UN. All's I gotta say is: the jackets do not fit the name.

Riku, Demyx, and I had gotten stuck with crappy task of trudging through the snow and looking for Roxas, but it wasn't as bad this time since I'd managed to bum a pair of shoes off of Riku. As it turned out, Organization 13 held their monthly secret meetings in Riku's basement, where they discussed "important topics and issues that affected their functionality as an organization", as Zexion described it. Demyx described it as "getting together to play Guitar Hero while Riku's mom makes us cookies". This is definitely my type of group.

Demyx also revealed to me that Organization 13 sorta was like a gang; some of the more _liberal _group members – a.k.a. the ones who aren't Saix or Zexion – took it upon themselves to let our little town know that Organization 13 existed and wasn't to be trifled with.

Meaning that they spray paint freight trains and set off fireworks inside of Walmart.

Ugh. So maybe Organization 13 wasn't more than a group of middle-class teenagers trying to act like gang members while they ate cookies and challenged each other to DanceDanceRevolution; who the fuck cares? The point is they do what they want, and I approve of that!

Not to mention these jackets are really fucking awesome.

And Riku's mom bakes fantastic cookies.

And I love Guitar Hero.

Anyway…

It didn't take long for me to get tired of looking for Roxas; as much as it saddened me to admit this, if Roxas was still out here in the snow, his ass was probably dead by now. Just sayin'.

God, I'm such an asshole! My best friend has probably been eaten by the Abominable Snowman by now! What the hell am I gonna do without my little buddy? Who will I play video games with? Who will make soup for me when I catch pneumonia from walking in the snow with no shoes on? Who's gonna walk down the street singing show tunes with me?

Not that me and Roxas ever did that! Don't get any ideas!

…Ok, it only happened once, and that was because I was under the influence of Pixie Stix!

Fortunately – no, _un_fortunately, I got ripped from my thoughts by a huge ass snowball tagging me in the face. Nice.

Have you ever gotten a flu shot and had one of your douchebag friends punch you in the arm, and it hurts like a bitch cuz your arm is all weird-feeling from the shot? Well, getting hit in the face with a snowball…feels nothing like that. Two completely unrelated sensations. Either way, getting a ball of frozen water smacked in your face sucks, and it will make you paranoid as all hell. Cuz once it happens the first time, it can totally happen again.

Demyx, Riku, and I froze in our tracks, glancing around us, on the lookout for flying orbs of doom. I scooped up a massive handful of snow – my hands are fucking freezing, by the way – and smushed it together into some failed attempt at a snowball.

Suddenly, snowballs came flying out of nowhere, smashing down like atomic bombs. Immediately, I took off – like a badass, of course – and tossed fail-ball over my shoulder somewhere. As I ran, I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Demyx get tagged in the back by a massive snowball. It threw him off balance, and his arms flailed sporadically as he hit the dirt…uhh, snow. Riku and I burst into laughter.

Have you ever laughed so hard that you can't breathe but the situations so funny that you keep laughing even though you're out of breath, so you're just kinda standing there like a retarded mime and your face hurts from smiling so damn hard? Well, that's totally what Riku looked like. Even though I was laughing just as hard, I knew I still looked amazing.

Don't try to deny it. I'm Axel, and I'm fucking _sexy_.

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><p>AN: Ah, so one question has been answered only for another to appear! Riku (and company) were the ones to kidnap Axel, but what's this? Heartache-sama has included people _other_ than the usual Organization members that we're all used to? And who is this mysterious person that is pelting Axel and the other with snowballs? Only time (and chapter 3) will tell.

Oh, and Model UN refers to Model United Nations. Some schools have Model UN clubs. My school used to have one; I don't know what goes on at Model UN meetings cuz I've never done it, but I've had a few friends who did.

SEE YA NEXT TIME!


End file.
